christina angeli 🌺

We were told to have a second ultrasound to test for fetal cardiac activity a few days after your first ultrasound. So on December 9, 2016, we excitedly went back to Chong Hua. You were already  6 weeks and 6 days  inside my tummy. And then we heard your heart beat for the first time. I could still remember your daddy looked at me in awe. Your heart was beating so fast. 128 bpm to be exact. Mine was too because of excitement, wonder, happiness and already overwhelming love for you that I got teary eyed. It was such a beautiful moment for your daddy and me. ❤ But the ultrasound also showed I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. 😢 So when we went to our OB, Dra. Sabado, she got worried upon seeing the report. she told me the volume of the hemorrhage was significant. I asked her what was the concern about and she said I was at risk for a spontaneous abortion. That shook me.  If you only knew how scared I was that day I almost c...

12.2.2017.  Baby, I was so excited to see you. I just learned that I was carrying you just yesterday and  I was still in a joyful haze. On this day,  your daddy and I got to see you for the 1st time. We went to Chong Hua early in the morning and there it was confirmed we were having you. You were a small oblong on that screen but you already filled up my whole heart. We could not yet hear your heart beat but you already made my heart beat so fast in anticipation of finally getting to see you in a few months. Your estimated date of delivery was July 30. You were 5weeks and 6 days weeks in my tummy when we first saw you. I fell inlove with you at first sight.

In May 2016, I posted an entry that finally, 3 years after losing my 1st baby, I could finally say I was ok. But the road to being ok was not easy as it was coupled with a raging desire to conceive again, but was always met with the so much frustration everytime I had my period. In my desire to conceive again, we had ourselves checked. I was put on meds, and I took a fertility drug, and Wati had himself checked too. But no baby was formed. And what was worse was that my closest friends were getting pregnant here and there, and everytime I learn that a friend has a lil one growing in her tummy, I could not help but cry and feel sorry for myself. During the summer of 2016, I was determined to get pregnant again. I had myself checked by another doc just for a second take on my condition. And after the 1st TVS, I had my hopes up when I was told I had an egg in my left ovary and had a big chance of conceiving. WEEE!! So the doc had me have transvagin...

It has been almost 3 years. And after almost 3 years, I can finally say I am ok. But although the pain has subsided, reading what I wrote then still broke my heart and made me cry. :(    May 20. It was when I woke up at around 5am when i first felt the pain in the lower right part of my back. Thinking it was just nothing, Wati, who was also already awake, and I decided to roam around the streets of CDO to look for a place to eat that early in the morning. While walking, the pain began to run towards my lower right abdomen, but since the pain was tolerable I just brushed it off. It was when we got back to the hotel when the pain intensified. I didn't want to bother anybody else, and thinking that  it would just subside, I tolerated the pain and told Wati that I'll just have myself checked when we get back to Cebu in the afternoon. But when the pain was already too much, and the tears won't stop falling, we decided to go to the ER of the nearest hospital we c...