Finally Pregnant!
In May 2016, I posted an entry that finally, 3 years after losing my 1st baby, I could finally say I was ok.
But the road to being ok was not easy as it was coupled with a raging desire to conceive again, but was always met with the so much frustration everytime I had my period.
In my desire to conceive again, we had ourselves checked. I was put on meds, and I took a fertility drug, and Wati had himself checked too. But no baby was formed. And what was worse was that my closest friends were getting pregnant here and there, and everytime I learn that a friend has a lil one growing in her tummy, I could not help but cry and feel sorry for myself.
During the summer of 2016, I was determined to get pregnant again. I had myself checked by another doc just for a second take on my condition. And after the 1st TVS, I had my hopes up when I was told I had an egg in my left ovary and had a big chance of conceiving. WEEE!! So the doc had me have transvaginal ultrasounds every other day to check if it was ripe for conception or and was told when to make love. But no, I did not conceive. It was heartbreaking coz I was full of hope only to cry bucket of tears again.
The month after, I had myself checked again, but the egg was on the right. So I had little, or better yet no chance of getting pregnant that month. Then it hit me, I was stressing to much to get pregnant that making love had already become a chore and I felt that if it continues to be like that it would take a toll on our marriage.
Then I decided to let go, and let God take over. I dunno, but I felt at that time, more accepting of the possibility that I may never get pregnant again. Wati and I talked about it and we said that if we won't have kids, that we'd still be ok "just the two of us." And then my prayer changed from "I must get pregnant, Lord" to "I hope to become a mommy Lord,if it is your will, Lord, then it will come. If it is not part of your plans for me, help me to accept it".
Though I had become more accepting of the possibility that I may never become a mommy again, on October 2016, Wati and I still hoped, and this time, prayed to St. Gerard Majella, the patron saint of mothers and those who wish to become mothers, whose feast day falls on our anniversary, October 16. We prayed his 9 day novena, went to Redemptorist Church to pray, and continued praying even while we went on vacation in El Nido. We were hopeful, but we did not put our hopes up too much.
During the wedding of good friends, Amay and Mitch, the officiating priest, Fr. Jun (who also officiated our wedding) told my mom-in-law I was already pregnant. Then one night, while bonding with Wati's brothers, Wynsum asked me if I was pregnant because Mama told them I was. I laughed and told them, "I wish!" coz I thought I wasn't.
Late November, I was getting big. I thought it was just because I was eating a lot again, and jogging less. I was expecting my period, coz I had all the normal signs everytime my period is about to come. I even bought Dolfenal in anticipation of the menstrual cramps. I even drank beer coz getting pregnant was not on my mind as I thought my period is coming.
But days passed and my period did not come on its supposed week. I could remember that when I met my friends in Galleria, one commented that my tummy was big. I also could vividly remember in Baclaran, I got dizzy, while looking for clothes. And while inside Papa's condo in Manila, I dunno, but I got so emotional that I cried watching a dad and daughter singing a Rapunzel song. haha. It made me think that maybe I was pregnant, but immediately pushed aside the thought coz I did not want to be frustrated again. I drank beer again telling myself not to think I was pregnant to avoud any heartaches.
I then told my sisters and they prodded me to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to coz I was so scared of getting frustrated again. So they told me that if my period won't come by November 30, I had to take a test.
And December 1 came, and no period arrived. I was honestly so scared to take the test. But I promised my sissies I would. I went to Robinsons Galleria. Bought several pregnancy tests. And took one inside the public restroom. And just a minute from dropping my urine specimen, it was clear...I AM PREGNANT!! I AM FINALLY PREGNANT!!! I cried. I cried so hard inside that small cubicle. I cried coz I was so happy. I cried coz I waited for the moment for so long. I cried coz after all the tears of heartache, I was finally having tears of joy. I called Wati immediately and with tears continuing to fall down I told him the Big news! Then I called Mama Babie. And when I saw papa, told him, and cried again. I remember him asking why I cried. hahaha.
December 1, 2016 would be a day I would never ever forget. After years of trying to conceive, finally..JACKPOT! HAHAHA.
On New Year's eve of 2016, I claimed that in 2016 my 2 beautiful dreams would come true...and true enough on May 3 2016, dream #1 (to become a lawyer) came true! :) and on December 1 of the same year, saw the much awaited two blue lines on the pregnancy test.
Indeed everything happens in God's perfect time! <3
But the road to being ok was not easy as it was coupled with a raging desire to conceive again, but was always met with the so much frustration everytime I had my period.
In my desire to conceive again, we had ourselves checked. I was put on meds, and I took a fertility drug, and Wati had himself checked too. But no baby was formed. And what was worse was that my closest friends were getting pregnant here and there, and everytime I learn that a friend has a lil one growing in her tummy, I could not help but cry and feel sorry for myself.
During the summer of 2016, I was determined to get pregnant again. I had myself checked by another doc just for a second take on my condition. And after the 1st TVS, I had my hopes up when I was told I had an egg in my left ovary and had a big chance of conceiving. WEEE!! So the doc had me have transvaginal ultrasounds every other day to check if it was ripe for conception or and was told when to make love. But no, I did not conceive. It was heartbreaking coz I was full of hope only to cry bucket of tears again.
The month after, I had myself checked again, but the egg was on the right. So I had little, or better yet no chance of getting pregnant that month. Then it hit me, I was stressing to much to get pregnant that making love had already become a chore and I felt that if it continues to be like that it would take a toll on our marriage.
Then I decided to let go, and let God take over. I dunno, but I felt at that time, more accepting of the possibility that I may never get pregnant again. Wati and I talked about it and we said that if we won't have kids, that we'd still be ok "just the two of us." And then my prayer changed from "I must get pregnant, Lord" to "I hope to become a mommy Lord,if it is your will, Lord, then it will come. If it is not part of your plans for me, help me to accept it".
Though I had become more accepting of the possibility that I may never become a mommy again, on October 2016, Wati and I still hoped, and this time, prayed to St. Gerard Majella, the patron saint of mothers and those who wish to become mothers, whose feast day falls on our anniversary, October 16. We prayed his 9 day novena, went to Redemptorist Church to pray, and continued praying even while we went on vacation in El Nido. We were hopeful, but we did not put our hopes up too much.
During the wedding of good friends, Amay and Mitch, the officiating priest, Fr. Jun (who also officiated our wedding) told my mom-in-law I was already pregnant. Then one night, while bonding with Wati's brothers, Wynsum asked me if I was pregnant because Mama told them I was. I laughed and told them, "I wish!" coz I thought I wasn't.
Late November, I was getting big. I thought it was just because I was eating a lot again, and jogging less. I was expecting my period, coz I had all the normal signs everytime my period is about to come. I even bought Dolfenal in anticipation of the menstrual cramps. I even drank beer coz getting pregnant was not on my mind as I thought my period is coming.
But days passed and my period did not come on its supposed week. I could remember that when I met my friends in Galleria, one commented that my tummy was big. I also could vividly remember in Baclaran, I got dizzy, while looking for clothes. And while inside Papa's condo in Manila, I dunno, but I got so emotional that I cried watching a dad and daughter singing a Rapunzel song. haha. It made me think that maybe I was pregnant, but immediately pushed aside the thought coz I did not want to be frustrated again. I drank beer again telling myself not to think I was pregnant to avoud any heartaches.
I then told my sisters and they prodded me to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to coz I was so scared of getting frustrated again. So they told me that if my period won't come by November 30, I had to take a test.
And December 1 came, and no period arrived. I was honestly so scared to take the test. But I promised my sissies I would. I went to Robinsons Galleria. Bought several pregnancy tests. And took one inside the public restroom. And just a minute from dropping my urine specimen, it was clear...I AM PREGNANT!! I AM FINALLY PREGNANT!!! I cried. I cried so hard inside that small cubicle. I cried coz I was so happy. I cried coz I waited for the moment for so long. I cried coz after all the tears of heartache, I was finally having tears of joy. I called Wati immediately and with tears continuing to fall down I told him the Big news! Then I called Mama Babie. And when I saw papa, told him, and cried again. I remember him asking why I cried. hahaha.
December 1, 2016 would be a day I would never ever forget. After years of trying to conceive, finally..JACKPOT! HAHAHA.
On New Year's eve of 2016, I claimed that in 2016 my 2 beautiful dreams would come true...and true enough on May 3 2016, dream #1 (to become a lawyer) came true! :) and on December 1 of the same year, saw the much awaited two blue lines on the pregnancy test.
Indeed everything happens in God's perfect time! <3
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