A look back on my 1st month as a mommy

July 1, was the day I met my forever love...my son.  <3

But the days after that weren't the easiest for me. 

I got to my room at around 12:00 am and they woke me up around 5:00am to go to the nursery to feed Trystyn.

I was wheeled to the Nursing area and since it was off limits to males, Wati had to go back to the room.  As soon as I was there they gave me Trystyn who was so small and fragile that I got scared I might not be able to hold him properly. The doctor went in and showed me how to let Trystyn latch and man I never thought breastfeeding was hard until that day! My lil bundle of joy could not latch properly as his mouth was so small and my nips were so huge! 😆 I was not even sure if he was able to get anything as he became fussy a few minutes after. I decided to let him latch on the other breast, but I didn't even know how to transfer him to the other side!  Waaaa! It was difficult, frustrating and and what's worse, the effects of the epidural were already fading, so I could already feel the intense pain from the stitching down south 🤪 

Trystyn was roomed in immediately after and Mama (Lola) Babie and ate Nana were the 1st ones to visit me. <3 I am actually forever grateful to Mama Babie because she had been there in the hospital every single day even though the hospital was 8.8 km from the house! I love you, Ma! <3 Family from Pleasant Homes came to visit as well <3 and some family and friends. Thank you.

Everything was just ok and in fact I was told we may go home the day after. But alas, I began to feel intense pain at my lower back. It was tolerable at first but then the pain became unbearable. I could hardly stand, then hours after I could no longer move my lower body and then the pain became super intense! It felt even more painful than my labor!!! I was crying in pain, and was given lots of pain medication as the pain was already unbearable. What was harder was that I was dead on decided to breastfeed Trystyn but since I was on pain relievers, I could not! :( I had to pump and dump because I was so scared my milk would be gone. I am just so thankful for friends who donated their breastmilk to us (Belle Tan, Taj Castro and Sandra's friend). I am forever indebted to you for your generosity. 

I am also just so thankful for Wati. He initially said that he would only carry trystyn a week after his birth because he was so scared he might fall. But this was hastened as I was indisposed. He had to take care of me and take care of trystyn as well. He would hug me and sing to me when the effect of the pain medication would wear off until I am able to sleep and he would go to Trystyn when he would cry. Again I have to thank Mama because if she did not visit everyday, Wati would not have been able to sleep during the day to regain his strength. 

So the resident doctors thought it was because of the anesthesia. But several anesthesiologists came and they were dead sure it was not because of the epidural. My tummy was also so big and hard and the OB resident merely said it was just my ovary which has not yet descended. But it was only when my OB came did she suspect it was something else. I had to undergo a stomach utz and then it was seen that my bladder was so big and full and was pushed on the top part of my abdomen. My OB said I had bladder atony. She said my case was rare because when one has bladder atony, it was the lower abdomen that usually gets painful but mine was my back. When she put on a catheter on me, 4L of urine was released from my bladder! And instantly the pain was gone! 

The supposedly 3 night hospital stay became a  5 night stay. And the bill was an overwhelming 90K for me (without OB pf pa) and 20k for the lil dude. Felt like I had a a caesarian delivery! 😂

What was worse was I had to wear a catheter since my bladder was to beaten up that it could not yet function. So we went out of the hospital with a catheter. It was really depressing as it was difficult to move with a catheter (since I had to hold the bag) and take care of a very dependent newborn 😔 And since I was still normally bleeding after giving birth, I had to wear adult diapers and it was difficult to have the catheter on. huh!

I was told to go to the ER a week after to undergo a post-void residual urine test to see if my bladder still retains urine. It was a very infuriating experience as the nurse assigned in the ER did not exactly know what to do. I waited for almost 4 hours in the ER and Trystyn who was with Mama in the rest inside the hospital had been crying as the milk that we brought (he was mix fed this time because we seem to have a wrestling fight when I let him latch as my nips were to big for his mouth). Since I was not also not able to bring my pump my boobs were engorged and painful! I got chills because of it! And since Trystyn was also very hungry already, he had no other choice but to latch on me ...which made my heart full as I had been praying that he would finally latch on my boobie! Thank God my BFF Redda was also there to calm me down. Unfortunately my bladder still retained 500ml of urine. And so I had to continue wearing a catheter. ☹️ I also pumped and stored my milk since Trystyn was not so fond of latching on me but many times a day, I would introduce the breast to him. Hoping one day, we would finally ditch the formula and exclusively breastfeed. I was a very persistent momma 😉

The next week I had to go to the OPD to have my catheter taken out, to have a straight catheter put in again after I pee to check if my bladder still retained urine. Unfortunately, it still did. What's worse was my stitches down there still had not healed and my OB instructed the resident to put a catheter back on as she feared my bladder would retain more urine. Since there was blood in my urine and it has become painful to pee, I had a urinalysis and lo and behold, I had UTI because of the catheter. After the urine culture, it was seen that it was a very strong bacteria so I had to be on antibiotics which was not compatible with breastmilk feeding. I had to pump and dump again. And since my OB had pity on me, she discontinued the catheter and told me should I feel any pain on my stomach or back to immediately go to the ER. 

Thankfully, no pain was felt, and finally, after almost a month, my bladder was no longer retaining a big amount of urine! 

I realized I had been talking so much about me, that I actually wrote very little about my little bundle of joy. 😅 But he has grown from a small for his age baby to a heavy little one. He is very clingy to mommy and does not want to be put down. He even went to SM seaside when he was just 15 days old. 

I love you my little one!