The Hat That Fits

 

  Why won’t you let me decide?? This is my life! When I have my own kids, I will let them choose for themselves!

 

            Friends, those were the words of my 6-year-old son, Trystyn, when I forced him to wear my hat on a trip. It was still large for him and it would fall over his eyes, but he looked so cute. No, he wouldn’t have it and he said "Mom, your hat is too big. I want to wear the hat that fits."

 

I was close to pinching this pint-sized philosopher but he said, "Mom, child abuse." "So now you're a lawyer?"

 

            My son’s defiance was irritating but it revealed my tendency to dictate his life. Like when I told him I need to approve of his future girlfriend. Anyone who wants to date my only child should brace for a thorough  interrogation from his lawyer mom! “Before you proceed, do you agree to the terms of dating my son which includes ensuring my maternal privileges are not infringed upon?” Ohh I could just imagine the girl backing out…Of course, I was kidding, or was I? 

 

This entire fiasco allowed me to learn a profound lesson from a hat: to let our loved ones choose their own paths, to chase their own dreams…to wear the hat that fits. 

 

My dad is a lawyer and everyone expected that I follow suit. So right after college, I took up law. Papa was so happy.  But a week later, I quit.  Papa was disappointed but he said, “It’s your life.  Follow your heart.”  He allowed me to decide for myself. At that moment, he allowed me to wear the hat that fits.

 

6 years later, I returned to law school and became a lawyer. Papa was so happy that he eagerly set up an office cubicle for me. I think he was thrilled about having a successor for the firm, but it felt like wearing the hat he wanted for me. Amidst these expectations, I had dreams of my own. It took years and several bottles of beer before I had the courage to tell him, “Pa, I dream to be in government service instead.” But all Papa said was, “It’s your life.  Follow your heart. I’ll help you achieve that dream” He continues to let me wear the hat that fits. 

 

One day I told Trystyn to study in Science High, just like his mom. I laid out the hard work it would take or he’d be kicked out. After a long pause, he said, “Mom, i’ll stick with Don Bosco oi!

 

I chuckled, realizing how often we tend to influence others' lives according to our preferences, thinking it’s best for them! But are we allowing them to dream and pursue their own dreams?   Are we allowing them to choose the hat that fits them?

 

So I asked Trystyn,  “Bubba, What is your dream?” He said:    “I want to be a Chef and be a good cook like Tatay Nolie.” Despite my lawyer dream for him, I said "It’s your life.  Follow your heart. I’ll help you achieve that dream – wear the hat that fits." 

 

My son might not yet fully grasp this hat philosophy, but he taught me the importance of letting him decide for himself, including choosing the girl, or boy he wants to be with. 😵‍

 

Friends, each person must be allowed to live and shape his own life. In life, just like in choosing hats, we can only guide our loved ones, but we should not dictate which hat they should wear. Let us allow them to choose their dreams, choose their path, and not impose our own. As Barbie's creator said, “we have to Stand still so our loved ones can look back to see how far they've come” So, Let them wear the hat that fits.

There are many hats we can offer, but the grandest gift is not the hat itself but the freedom to choose one, the opportunity to choose their path, the liberty to shape the life they desire.  In the hat bazaar of life, our role is not to impose, but to guide – after all, life is too short to wear uncomfortable hats, and we all deserve to feel fabulous in the hats we choose for ourselves. So let them… let them chase their own dreams… let them choose the directions in their life.  Let them wear the hat that fits. 

 

Trystyn,  my hat is cute, but go on and wear the hat that fits.