cry baby momma

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Today, I left the house a few minutes after 8am when T just woke up and got back home a few minutes before 8pm when T was about to sleep because i had loads of things to do.

When i was nursing T to sleep earlier this evening, he kept on sitting up, as if still wanting to play (even when he looked so sleepy)... suddenly, my tears unabashedly streamed down my face. I couldn't help it. I was EXHAUSTED AF, i'm feeling like cough and colds are just around the corner and I just wanted to rest so badly. 

And then i continued to cry coz i resented the fact that i was not able to spend as much time with him today because i had so many things to do 

And then i cried coz i felt guilty that i should be glad that he still wants play but then all i badly wanted was to rest.  

But though i just wanted to snooze i also could not help but want to play a while with him (which i did) Waaa!! So many mixed emotions!

But as i lovingly stared at him now, sleeping on my arm and still latching on my breast, i whispered to him that every thing i am doing is for him. That il make up for the lost time today. And that No matter how tired mommy gets, i will work my ass hard for him so he'd have the things he needs and so he'd have a secure future. I can't promise him that there would be no more tired AF crying moments But i promised him that mommy will always find time for him no matter how tired she gets.
Hay dong, You make me lovingly push myself harder, you make me want to strive hard to be a better version of myself. 

I love you Trystyn Thaddeus! And now I'm crying again while writing this. Such a crybaby momma!

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