STRONG

💪***this was my second speech in my second life in Toastmasters <3    I received a very beautiful evaluation after I delivered this speech. <3

Today, I will wear my red lipstick because I am a strong.

Friends,

I am strong because on May 20, 2013, I was wheeled to a doctor’s clinic because of intensely excruciating abdominal pain, told I was pregnant but that my baby was growing in my fallopian tube and that I should lose her or else lose my life.

I am strong because my dream of becoming a mom was shattered, but despite the fact that I only had one fallopian tube left, I continued to hope that one day soon I’d be a mom again.

I am strong because after years of trying, crying and praying, and despite the raging desire to be a mother, I learned to change my prayer to “Lord, I have to be a mom” to “Lord, if it’s not meant to be, help me accept it.

I am strong because despite the fear of being frustrated again, I took a pregnancy test on December 1, 2016, and finally, Naka Jackpot najud! 2 red clear lines appeared!

I am strong because I made it through a difficult and high risk pregnancy where I had an increasing hemorrhage inside my womb which required more or less 20 ultrasounds, months of bedrest and whole lot of K drama when I was really not a fan. Saranghe!

I am strong because I was able to make it through an induced and extremely painful labor and delivery, 4 weeks before my estimated due date because of a leaking bag of water. Ok not super strong as I waved the white flag and shouted for an epidural, for the boys, that’s simply anesthesia injected to your spine through a very long needle!

I am strong because I did not faint (although I almost did) when the hospital bill showed a shocking 90k.. for a normal delivery! That’s without OB’s professional fees pa hah!

I am strong because despite the fact that I had bladder atony (imagine 4 liters of urine retained in my bladder when the normal volume should only be less than 10ml), which was even more painful than my labor and which required me to use a catherer for 3 weeks, I was still able to take care of my newborn.

I am strong because I am a woman. I am strong because after all the hardships, I am now finally a mother. 

Last year during the quarantine, I was asked “what has motherhood taught you? I was lying down in front of the A/C unit when I received that message and then my son, Trystyn Thaddeus laid on top of me, and dozed off. My legs began to get painful because of the cold but I endured it so that the he can continue to sleep soundly. And there, I got one of my answers. Motherhood is an act of being selfless in more ways than one.

I’ve given up so many things for trystyn:

1. My Body…sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, que horror! From a coca cola body, to now the shape of a 5 gallon water bottle!

2. My space…I can’t even do Number #2 in the CR in peace! Somebody would always bang outside the door demanding to be let in! The invasion to my space became EXTRA especially during the ECQ and he would cry/shout when he could not see me. I remembered telling him after months of being locked down:

M: Trystyn, ill go back to work in the office na.

T: Ok, but I’ll go with you.

M: No, you need to stay at home. You can’t go out pa coz there is virus pa.

T: oh the virus is there pa, that means you can’t go out also, mommy!

Mag lawyer man sad tingali ni!

3. My time! Oh how miss going out until the wee hours of the morning!

4. Sleep! 28 months of breastfeeding did not allow me to sleep straight throughout the night! And even until now, sleep is not as luxurious as I only had ¼ of the entire bed space.

5. Sweet and sexy time with the hubby!

But I am strong, for though I have lost some parts of my former life, I would not have it any other way.

I am strong because motherhood is a consistent dedication. The last 3 years had been tough. It was exhausting especially since I had to go back to work six weeks postpartum. When all other mothers had 3 months maternity leave, My boss, aka PAPA, couldn’t wait to boss me around again. Hehe. 

What made it more difficult was that we had no househelp. I had to be home before 5:30PM or the 65 year old Lola would get mad or give me the silent treatment which is worse when I’d arrive a minute later. When I get home, I’d wash the bottles then takeover Trystyn. When I had deadlines, I would let him sleep and then continue working till the wee hours of the morning, And since I was hell bent in providing only breastmilk for him, I pumped everywhere! In my office cubicle, in the car while driving, and Yes, even during a seminar, inside the conference room filled with fellow laywers! Consistent dedication!

It was, still is, overwhelming. But I realized how strong of a woman, of a mom, I am to be able to do all these. There were a lot of times when I find myself crying because hey moms get tired too, but then I go on knowing all the things I am doing is for my little rascal and for his future.

I am strong because I know there will be more challenges to come in my journey of motherhood, “Oh I’m dreading the having a girlfriend phase”, but the challenges, I can’t wait to take them on.

I am strong, because I now have a deeper respect and love for my mother , who has been so selfless in taking her of her apo, all her apos, and a deeper respect for all mothers. Motherhood is fulfilling but motherhood is hard.

I am strong because I am asking you all to think of your moms and appreciate how strong they are. They are not perfect, and they may have hurt you, heck, I might even get to hurt trystyn someday, but remember, we moms, we just want the best for you. Please think of your moms, please appreciate them, forgive them if they have caused you pain. Please find time to call them, or text them, do something special for them, thank them, please tell them you love them, for no one loves harder than a mother, and no one can replace a mother.

Friends, I deserve to wear red lipstick today. For I am strong. I am a woman. I am a mother.